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Old Gold & Black

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Old Gold & Black

Old Gold & Black

Scott Kull: The new Director of Athletics
Abigail Taylor, Contributing Writer • April 16, 2024

Now is that what I call music?

Santa has demanded to be in the next album or the entire staff will get Justin Bieber CDs for Christmas. We are honored yet, terrified.
Now that it is officially December, you can pretend that you are finally listening to Christmas music for the first time this season (because you most definitely were not already jamming out before Thanksgiving). We at the Old Gold and Black decided it was finally time we made our own Wofford Christmas album. However, since our writing voices are stronger than our singing voices, we have decided to publish the songs we had recorded on paper instead of on a CD.
Unfortunately, the notes from the recordings still remain and may not make a lot of sense to readers who have not actually heard the tracks. We apologize and hope there is not too much confusion due to this oversight. We hope you enjoy Wofford’s first ever reading Christmas album.
Track 1: “Rocking Around the Tuition Fee”
Grab yourself some hot cocoa and try to hold on to your happiness because this track is sure to make you feel empty on the inside! Sung by the famous, toothless yodeler Ham Buckerton, this song tells you about the festive atmosphere around campus whenever the tuition raises.
“Rockin’ around the tuition fee,
As it slowly starts to rise.
Students won’t be all that debt free,
But the college says it’s fine.

Rockin’ around the tuition fee,
Let the angry spirit ring.
Later we’ll have a “fair” debate,
And both sides will say stupid things.
You will get a sentimental feeling when you hear,
“Student class sizes must grow,
Where will they live? Nobody knows!”

Rockin’ around the tuition fee,
At a college you can’t afford.
But of course we’re all happy,
With the old fashioned Wofford.”

Track 2: “O Holy Khakis”

This song is an ode to all the khaki wearers on campus. It tells the tale of a poor lad who tears his precious khakis, giving him emotional pain and making him a social anathema. The mixture of the jaw harp along with the sitar definitely gives this tune a unique sound you won’t forget no matter how hard you try.

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“O holy khakis your blandness is brightly shining
It is the night of the dear Frat boys’ birth!
Fall on your knees, now there’s a hole in your khakis
Good bye!
Social life, now you must wear
Last season’s pair!
But Anon
You will don
Some salmon shorts, life will go on
But till then
It’s the end, of those
O holy khakis.”

There are more lyrics, but our vocalist who wishes to remain anonymous was so distraught at the idea of having a pair of khakis rip that he ran out of the studio in a fit of passion, coincidentally tripping on his way out and tearing his khakis as well as obtaining a few grass stains. We have not seen or heard from him since the incident.

Track 3: “Have a Holly Jolly Hangover”

This piece was inspired by many a Friday night experienced by Wofford students. Accompanied by a choir of barking dogs and a toddler playing the drums on some pots and pans, this song is sure to put you in the Christmas spirit while not forgetting the consequences of consuming too many Christmas spirits.


“Have a holly, jolly hangover
It’s the worst time of the year
I don’t know why I’m in the snow
But in my hand’s a cup of beer
Have a holly, jolly hangover,
And when you stumble down the street
Say hello to friends you know
But try to remain discrete

Oh ho
The headache woes
Make you feel queasy
Somebody waits for you
His name is Mr. Lou

Have a holly, jolly hangover,
And it probably hurts to hear,
Oh by golly, have a holly
Jolly hangover, this year.”

Track 4: “It’s Beginning to Look a lot Like Finals”

Nothing will make a listener feel cozier and more relaxed than hearing about other people’s struggles with academics. The faint drumming in the background was actually created by students hitting their heads against the wall in frustration. Also, the loud exploding sound around 0:45 was unintentional and should be ignored. Note: If anyone finds the remains of Bonny’s notes for Western Civ., she’d like them back now that she’s calmed down a bit. She apologizes for any inconvenience her mental breakdown caused anyone. Enjoy.

“It’s beginning to look a lot like finals
Everywhere you go
Take a look inside Milliken
There’s studying once again
Where papers, tests, and presentations flow
It’s beginning to look a lot like finals
And there’s a lot at stake
But the prettiest sight to see
Is the mattress that will be
Waiting for you at break
A nice long nap with a puppy
and caffeine that’s handy
Is the wish of Bonny and Ben
No more citations, those abominations
Is the hope of Janice and Jenn
And all the professors can hardly wait
To attack them with a pen
It’s beginning to look a lot like finals
Soon the hell will start
And the pain that will make it sting
Is the sobbing that you sing
Right from your cold heart,
right from your cold heart.”

So this holiday season give the gift of Wofford music to your loved ones and maybe even your enemies. The album will be sold at the book store following this issue’s publication. Well, the book store has told us the album is “a disgrace to humankind and especially to the sitar” but we hope to have made amends by the time this article is out. Enjoy and have a happy rest of the semester, Wofford.

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