By: Kelsey Aylor, Staff Writer

Since 1978, Wofford students have been travelling to Ireland for their Interim courses. Held every few years, these trips may be considered the opportunity of a lifetime. However, after experiencing it firsthand, I have learned that this isn’t a trip, but rather a trap. Here are 18 reasons that Ireland should be avoided at all costs.

1. If you have a fear of cute cuddly things, DO NOT go to Ireland. There are more sheep than people on the island, their colorful bums dot the landscape whether you’re in the city or the country and they have the tendency to approach you. If you want a fluff-induced panic attack, Ireland is the place for you. Otherwise, avoid it at all costs.
2. Some people cite Chicago as having the best pizza in the world. Others declare their undying love to New York style pizza. Few would consider Irish pizza. But prepare for your life to be turned upside down because the pizza and Italian food in Ireland is out of this world. Its American counterpart will forever be glaringly mediocre. Ireland can and will ruin your love for Italian food because once you return, it will never be as good.
3. In Ireland, potatoes are THE main food group. You will see them in the baked, mashed, roasted, fried and sliced form, often in a single day. Not to mention every appetizer you eat will be vegetable soup aka potato soup plus other random veggies. If you can’t appreciate your taters, don’t even bother coming to Ireland. It’s a constant carb load and if you loved potatoes before, you’ll most likely come walking away with a fear and hatred of them.
4. If you have an extreme dislike for constant product placement, Ireland is not the place for you. Guinness is everywhere. If potatoes are the main food group, Guinness is the other main food group. Guinness either owns or has donated to everything, so you will see signs, postcards, glasses and toucans every direction you look. If you’re of age, it’s available on tap in every single pub you walk into. Also, It’s heavy enough to feel like a full meal, so you can’t even enjoy your follow up of potatoes.
5. Only in Ireland would you find a person regularly drinking something that is both a depressant and a stimulant. The Irish aren’t happy with just drinking coffee and alcohol. No, they have to go and mix the two. Now that just doesn’t seem right. If you order an Irish coffee you are sure to be unpleasantly surprised that your bitter black coffee has been mixed with specialty Irish whiskey and cream liqueur. Who would infringe upon the sanctity that is stronger-than-battery-acid coffee? Stay in America where coffee is normal.
6. If you are an emotionless person, never listen to traditional Irish music. Even the happy songs are full of emotion that you will be unable to comprehend and appreciate. If you dislike instruments like flutes and fiddles, Irish music is not for you because not only are these heavily used, they also combine to form beautiful, melodious harmonies. Justin Bieber is better any day.
7. If small green men or flying creatures give you heart palpitations, Ireland may cause you a heart attack. The land of faeries and folklore, Ireland’s age-old traditions and superstitions are enough to cause a stomach ulcer in even the burliest of men. Beware of magical portals and evil queens who will cart off your children.
8. In Ireland the three primary colors are not red, blue and yellow; they’re gray, green and blue. You will see some of the most vibrant shades of blue and green, so much so that your elementary school art classes will be put to shame. These colors are inescapable. Your whole life has been a lie. The realization that you haven’t truly seen blue skies, green grass and gray storm clouds unless you’ve been to Ireland very well may rock your world and send you hurtling into a pit of self despair. Don’t loathe the color wheel. Stay home.
9. Before going to Ireland, you must prepare yourself to be accompanied by a sassy 60-something-year-old Catholic man who loves to steal chocolate. Joe Fahy is in the Guinness Book of World Records for being the most knowledgeable walking encyclopedia on all things Ireland (not really – but note, here’s yet another thing that Guinness has its hands in). During the course of the trip, Joe will spout off facts like it’s child’s play, make sarcastic comments at your expense and expertly maneuver a 3-ton bus through cliffs and corkscrews as if it’s a shopping cart. Don’t let your fragile masculinity get shattered by the greatness of this man.
10. Taking photos in Ireland is just too hard. How are you supposed to capture the view when all parts of it are absolutely stunning? Unless you are highly skilled in taking panorama photos, you might as well not even bother trying to take a good shot. The constantly changing landscapes will give you a breathtaking sensory overload where you’ll just end up feeling drained and sad because something too beautiful actually exists.
11. Do you like the small-town city feel? Do you like multicultural food joints and quaint pubs? Do you like seeing gorgeous, historic buildings among modern buildings and roads? If you answered ‘no,’ to any of these questions, don’t bother going to Ireland because you will undoubtedly spend time in Dublin, which fulfills all of the above. The capital of Ireland, Dublin, is vibrant and fast-paced yet comfortable. Disgusting, right?
12. Do thoughts of Leonardo Dicaprio’s and Kate Winslet’s ill-fated love story cause you emotional distress? Whether you love or hate the movie “Titanic,” Ireland is home to monumental locations in the history of the ship – it was built in Belfast, and its last port of call was in current-day Cobh. Therefore, throughout Ireland you will find various Titanic paraphernalia, known for inducing bittersweet tears and/or furious anger. Avoid the messy emotions. Stay at home.
13. Unless you have lived in the state of Georgia, the whirlwind that is Irish weather is impossible to get used to. One minute it’s 32 degrees and pouring, the next it’s 54 degrees and sunny. The unpredictability causes constant anxiety and makes packing for travel ten times harder. You will spend frantic weeks of worrying about how to cram summer, winter, rain and snow gear into your one suitcase which can weigh no more than 50 pounds. Luggage should not be that stressful. Don’t go to Ireland.
14. Although not exclusive to Ireland, last minute travel changes are the bane of any reasonable person’s existence. Delays, cancellations, ridiculously long layovers, frantic security checks, the whole lot of it can ruin any trip. Better to stay in the states where you can always drive somewhere if needed.
15. If sitting in a room full of cats is preferable than a room full of people, avoid Ireland. Not only are the sheep friendly (see the first point), so are the people. They will talk to you. No amount of eye-contact avoidance, brusque responses or generally standoffish, antisocial behavior will prevent a friendly Irishmen from talking to you. Be prepared to meet a lot of new strangers. If you have a fear of talking to unknown and/or elderly people, Ireland is absolutely unsuitable.
16. You may think that traveling to Ireland will provide you the opportunity to get that natural windswept look. You’re wrong. Yes, there is wind, but it comes in ridiculous and sometimes dangerous gusts. Getting blown off the Cliffs of Moher isn’t glamorous. Any coastal place you visit will just leave you walking (or hobbling) away cold and with your hair tangled beyond repair. Wind is not your friend here. It will not provide you with a new profile pic so don’t even try.
17. You might think that an Interim abroad trip is a nice alternative to a full semester. Well it’s not. After spending two glorious weeks away from Spartanburg, you will realize how amazing and unique these other countries are. Save yourself the sadness from the realization that your time abroad is so limited. Stay in good ole Sparkle City for the month.
18. If you are averse to change don’t go to Ireland (or anywhere for that matter). First off, the toilets appear to use some form of advanced, incomprehensible technology. There are always two buttons you can potentially press, but more than likely only one works. It’s a game of Russian Roulette but in the form of porcelain bowls. The anxiety caused by lack of understanding is unwarranted and should be avoided. Next, the people in Ireland only seem to travel at two speeds: speed walking bordering on jogging and then outright running. As the awestruck American tourist gawking at the views around you, you will undoubtedly be mowed over by efficient Irishmen who are heading to work, out shopping or even taking a “leisurely” stroll. With the high consumption of potatoes-per-person, I suppose the speed walking is a necessity to rid oneself from the many carbs. Finally, there are certain words and phrases specific to the Irish that may leave your mind reeling. You will hear “lovely” used in ways you didn’t even know were possible. People will ask you “what are you doing?” in a heavily accusatory tone simply as a way of greeting. And don’t even get me started on the copious cheers of “slainte.” Nothing’s more frightening when attempting to take a drink than a burly man screaming at you in a strange language. It’s all a bit too much.

In all seriousness (and if you haven’t been able to detect the sarcasm by now), going to Ireland during Interim was probably the best decision I’ve made in my college career thus far. I had an amazing time learning about a new culture, reliving the vibrant history and traditions, viewing some of the most gorgeous sights on Earth and deepening bonds and relationships with wonderful and thoughtful people. If you have the means and ability to do so, I would wholeheartedly recommend traveling abroad during Interim. If you’re ever unsure of which travel project to pursue, the Ireland trip will undoubtedly have my vote in years to come.