I wrote this poem this summer around June 16. I saw the news that the police officer who killed Philando Castile had all charges dropped. It’s tough to see a pattern of problematic behavior seemingly endorsed by our criminal justice system.
I started the performance with a compilation of inflammatory statements I’d heard from different news anchors and personalities over the course of the last few years, particularly Bill O’Reilly and Tomi Lahren who both have a history of race-baiting and coded racism. A video was to play during the performance but the system malfunctioned at rehearsals.
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I feel like I’m in chains and not the kind that we want to be in
Head in the clouds but I stay grounded like a pedestrian
But when I get a leg up, something always comes up
When I focus on my come up, paranoia always comes up
I grew up without a safety net, no Jim Morrison
So I’ve had to remain on brand like an endorsement
I’m code-switching more than Neo in the Matrix
Impress the right people, I guess that’s the price of greatness
And my plight is only magnified when my complexion
Perplexes a nation, got them worried about the dress I’m in
But to be fair, if Fox New was all I consumed
I would probably start to think that I’m a criminal too
Philando was killed by the bridge of his nose
Spoke to Lady Liberty, she said “you know how it goes”
Justice isn’t blind, she’s just hiding her face
I just can’t tell if it’s for shame or if she’s hiding her hate
All lives won’t matter until black lives do
But I’m afraid that this country is put off by the truth
So I keep a hoodie on and say “Fuck Fox News!”
They want me to stop talking like the good cops do
And I know some will ask “why so political?”
I got hella melanin, skin and ID are integral
“For a day, let’s ignore these controversies”
I’m a person of color, I don’t have that luxury
Interim, I took a flight to France
Cuisine, women, language all put me in a trance
Had to get away, I was tired of the news
Ate a ton of cheese and I drank a ton of brews
Thought about my life, tried to find some inner truths
Development arrested like a member of the Bluths
Lost my black boy joy that my momma used to cultivate
I guess I left a big part of myself back in Alsace-Lorraine
I’m so afraid to fail
I’m not moving weight, just trying to shift the scale
I could shuck and I could jive and they still would give me hell
Bonner Scholar, Mr. Wofford, they’ll still pull a…well
I shouldn’t say names, I just don’t think that it’s appropriate
Promise that the joke wasn’t lost on my associates
“We stand behind your message, we don’t stand by your approach to it”
The way they make me run circles, you’d think that they were coaching it
Not to boast but I’m just coasting now
Pulled over on the road, paranoid about how things go down
Hands on the wheel, no sudden moves, I know these things go south
Simple traffic stop but fuck man right now I’m stressing out
I’m a creative, I’m independent
Daily dose antidepressants,
I’ve got a penchant,
For hour-long depression naps,
My school attendance
Takes a hit like it’s a mobster,
With no defenses
That’s why I have two legs but fell like a brown recluse
I miss a lot of class but can’t tell my real excuse
I show fake smiles to fake friends, it’s not them, it’s me
It feels like a nightmare, the American Dream
To be young and gifted and BLACK.
No song for this part, I did it acapella
They ask about my blessings, I’ve got hella
First generation college student, what a time
It’s a blessing and a curse and here’s why:
Got a big scholarship but can’t pay my phone bill
Friends like “let’s go out to eat”
I’m like “Sure, at Burwell”
Got a big scholarship but can’t pay my car insurance
Graduate from Wofford College
And make more than my parents
I put pressure on myself, the need to be great
News like Charlottesville has me staying up late
Prescription for Klonopin just to get past the hysteria
Shadow of Confederates, I need to get out of this area
Watching the news is watching my mother tearing up
Young black and gifted but he’s still in America
