Engaging In Conversations About Race

While sometimes conversation can be incredibly productive, at other times conversations about race can lead to tension and high emotions at the dinner table. 

Talking about race with family is important because it can help people to understand how they are interacting with a racial hierarchy. While sometimes conversation can be incredibly productive, at other times conversations about race can lead to tension and high emotions at the dinner table. 

On the one hand, Rivers Clark, ’20, shares that her experience engaging in conversation about race with her family was positive because her family encourages “having good and healthy conversations.” Similarly, Elise Banish, ’22, said “It was positive to learn about my grandmother’s experience growing up in Birmingham in the 1950s and see the progress of society. It’s also positive to discuss with my parents what we can do to be better allies.” 

On the other hand, Megan Holderness, ’20 shares, “With my immediate family, it was an easier conversation, though I’m more liberal. With my grandfather, it was much harder. He grew up in the South in a small town in the 1940s and 50s. I think his blatant and at times outspoken racism is a generational problem and a lack of education.” Megan’s experience reflects a common issue for families talking about race which is bridging the great generational gap. 

Additionally, Hector Ortiz, ’22 reflects on his experience talking about race saying, “I think there’s a certain barrier of discomfort. No one likes to think that they are racist. However, we are ALL susceptible to bias. And most of the media we are exposed to serves to confirm biases. Thinking you’re right is probably the most damaging barrier in my experience.” 

Ijeoma Olou, author of the book So You Want to Talk About Race offers her advice that before engaging in conversations about race, “I always advise people to think about what brought them to the point where they realized it mattered, and to share that story”. Helping family members to understand why the topic has personal importance can help them to gain a new perspective. Similarly, Dr. Amanda Taylor, Senior Adjunct Professorial Lecture at the school of International Service at American University, emphasizes the importance of doing prior research as,“ it is really important you do your background research, so you more fully understand the ideas you are attempting to get across or the point you are trying to make in the conversation.” 

When engaging in the conversation Taylor advises to “engage with questions versus telling” because it makes people reflect on what they are saying and the implications of their beliefs. Additionally, she emphasizes the importance of paraphrasing each other’s points in order to practice active listening and shared communication. She also says that using narratives and real-life stories can be an effective way to show how humanity connects us all. Accordingly, Elizabeth McCorvey, author of a Guide for White Therapists to Discuss Race, emphasizes how it can be helpful to “use examples from your family’s local community to help them understand broader systemic issues.” 

Finally, it is important to remember when conversations start to become unhealthy, it may be time to take a step back. Ijeoma recommends whenever a conversation starts to become unproductive to take a pause and suggest reflecting and revisiting the topic in a day or two.