By: Brie White, Staff Writer

In my time without the row, I’ve gotten to do some reflecting. Very productive reflecting. Here lies the quintessential list of all the things we should all be doing in the time of no Greek Row:

1. Recount the numerous times we’ve been promised the row was opening. Surprisingly, or not, it failed to do so, and here we are. The list is so extensive that this could soak up some serious time and really fester some resentment. Newest ETA: April 25? Do any of us believe this? QTNA?
2. Hole up in a tiny, tiny dorm room and play board games and read dark poetry and talk about your feelings and most certainly don’t drink.
3. Instead of your tiny dorm room, move along to the same senior apartment every single Friday and Saturday night of the entire year with the same people that you exist with day in and day out. Sounds poppin’.
4. Resign to the fact that as the top institution in the state, Wofford College encourages you to be academic At. All. Times. You don’t need a row. You don’t need a social life. Hit the books and you’ll no longer be bored.
5. Tour the row to at least see that some progress is being made. But only if you’re Greek. Re: only if you’re Greek and doing something ~important~ in your organization can this option apply to you.
6. Use the super fun time that the construction has created in your mornings for whatever the heck you like. The drills start at 6 or 7 a.m.? Not a problem for you and your #productive self.
7. Plan all the activities you’ll do in the new house if you even care about the new house because, really, does everyone care about the new row or does Wofford just want us to?
8. Slip N Slide down the hill that’s by the new row because the property might as well be good for something during this construction.
9. Consider the fact that where the old row lies will soon be the new art building, and that will be fun stuff and with fun stuff comes less boredom.
10. READ The Old Gold and Black until your heart’s content, which should be always.

Disclaimer: This is a satirical article of pure fiction for our April edition, The Old Black & Blue