By: Steal Myth, Contributing Writer

Since plans for the new Greek Row were laid out, progress has been tremendously swift. The students during the first semester of the 2015/16 academic year were able to witness this development each day as they walked past the barren lot of dirt that was to turn into their beloved Greek Row. The 40 days and nights of rain that the campus was inundated with turned that dirt into flowing streams of mud.

“Well, contrary to popular belief, the rain actually has helped us quite a bit in the building process. Using building techniques from 1854 when the College’s first building was constructed, we turned mud into bricks for the houses,” said Jack Russell, a member of the Greek Village construction crew.

Russell joined the Greek Village construction crew after the first intended completion date was missed. He remarked the bricks made of mud were subsequently also destroyed by the rain, placing the Row progress back to square one.

Those bricks were each made precisely by hand, a process that was extremely stressful for the workers, Russell explained further. As a result, after a month of brick making, the construction team had to take a three week recovery period to avoid being affected by rheumatoid arthritis.

Responding to accusations of worker incompetence Russell argued back saying, “Well, you can’t really blame us. We just did what we were told. Once I joined the crew, several guys told me they didn’t even know what they were supposed to be building until around January. Plus, why would they work hard to complete something that hasn’t even been completely paid for yet?”

Russell’s argument spoke to a very controversial subject surrounding the rising cost of tuition.

“I don’t go to school here, so I can’t be 100 percent sure about anything. But, who is to say the rise in tuition isn’t related to the cost of the Row? The facts seem to point in that direction. The longer it takes to build something, the more it costs,” stated Russell.

Russell attributes all his knowledge of Wofford’s campus society to reading the Old Gold and Black and social media.

“You can just search on Twitter or Facebook ‘Wofford College’ and you can find countless complaints about this and that, the Row, the president, Greek life. It’s all on there. You have a lot of time to do research when you’re working on a project like the Greek Village,” said Russell

Making a very valid point, he went on to describe how he felt, as though prolonging the construction time was part of a larger, more sophisticated plan instigated by President Nayef Samhat. Russel pointed out that depriving the campus of the Row would poison student support of Greek Life while still firmly grasping the support of the alumni.

Russel clarified saying, “The alumni don’t go to school here; they aren’t trying to host events or parties. They really aren’t directly affected by the absence of the Row despite having paid for part of it, but the students involved in Greek Life are affected. When, let’s say, a freshman considering joining an organization hears people talking about how little fun their sorority is without the Row, they have less of a reason to want to join.”

Going on to describe how drinking on campus is affected, Russel implied that without a designated wet area on campus, fewer people will be drawn into that scene, lowering the college’s risk of having alcohol related incidents.

“It’s college; kids drink; it’s what they do. I know I did it, but if you don’t have a place to drink, it almost kills your motive. To be honest, I feel bad that we haven’t finished it yet,” said Russell reflecting on the absence of the Row.

These words poke more holes in the already tattered picture of Greek Life on Wofford’s campus and offer little hope of a swift end to the problem.

Russell commented on when the Greek Village might be completed saying, “Who knows when we will finish? We don’t even know exactly when we’ll be done. People who aren’t out here working every day keep putting up intended dates of completion, but they never consult us about it. You have to take it day by day. Another rainy season could hit, or someone could install a section of flooring the wrong way and push everything back. It could be done at the end of this semester or maybe the end of next.”

Disclaimer: This is a satirical article of pure fiction for our April edition, The Old Black & Blue