By: K.P. Sanderson, Staff Writer

Recently Dr. Ellen Goldey, professor of biology, attended a conference in Washington D.C. Instead of cancelling her lectures, she arranged for her husband, Dr. Byron McCane in the Religion Department, to substitute-teach in her absence.

Administration loved the idea. Dr. Nayef Samhat says more professors should consider doing this.

“I love the initiative taken by Ellen and Byron to further Wofford’s mission of the interdisciplinary education of its students,” says Samhat. “This is what liberal arts is all about, and Wofford prides itself on being innovative. My hope is that this will serve as a model for other faculty in the future.”

Due to safety concerns, McCane did not oversee her labs, but there were some issues in the classroom. The students were supposed to be studying parthenogenesis, but McCane accidentally spent all of the 50 minutes of class on Wednesday explaining to students why it’s not “their world,” contrary to what the school’s slogan tells them.

“Bio students may not realize this, but humility is an admirable virtue,” explains McCane. “When we tell students it’s their world, they become narcissistic. These students already think they know everything, since they can explain parthenogenesis, gametogenesis, carcinogenesis, etc. But have they ever read the book of Genesis? Probably not.”

He was able to manage time better on Thursday with longer classes, but students complained after he assigned them a paper for homework.

“I don’t have time to write a paper,” says freshman Penelope Margret Waldorf. “I’m pre-med, so I have way too many other things to be working on. Plus, I have a sorority thing tonight.”

Goldey received many e-mails while she was away. Students contacted her complaining that they would be unprepared for their upcoming test due to wasted class time.

“Wofford students are reluctant to change,” notes Goldey. “They like their tradition, and it takes a bit of time for them to come around. I expect the religion students to be hesitant as well when I guest teach next week.”

Religion major Elijah Ellis, junior, disagrees.

“I’m good with change,” explains Ellis. “Working at camp every summer has taught me to be flexible. Sometimes it storms when we thought we could let the kids swim, or something like that. You just have to trust God and know he’s got your back. I’m excited for Dr. Goldey to be on our hall for a change.”

Goldey says she wants to get the religion students out of the classroom for some hands on learning, since all they normally do is sit in class and discuss things.

McCane and Goldey plan on continuing their collaboration this summer in Israel. Biology students will now be accompanying the religion students on their archeology dig, to participate in a summer seminar titled “An ecological inquiry on the Sea of Galilee.”

Information on how biology majors can sign up will be available soon.

Disclaimer: This is a satirical article of pure fiction for our April edition, The Old Black & Blue