By: Petty Wap, Senior Writer

Presidential candidate Donald Trump was recently announced as the featured commencement weekend speaker for the College’s 2016 Commencement Exercises, scheduled for Sun., May 15 at 9:30 a.m. on the front lawn of the Main Building.

“I’m so excited. I can’t believe that Mr. Trump will be returning to campus, again!” says senior Sarah Doe.

Many like Doe on campus are excited about this recent announcement; others are indifferent.

“Why couldn’t we have someone, you know…better than Trump as our commencement speaker?” says senior Bob Yodel. “It will definitely scare people away – families included – from graduation. It’s supposed to be a joyous occasion, not tortuous.”

During the event, over 400 graduates will receive their degrees and several other awards will also be presented at the Commencement Exercises.

“Donald Trump is hands down a fantastic candidate for the Class of 2016’s commencement ceremony. I couldn’t have thought of anybody else that would deliver such a positive message to the students that will hopefully encourage them to go out and vote in this upcoming election,” says President Hamsat. “I’m sure we are all looking forward to what he has to say to the graduates, his experiences as a college graduate and his hopes for being in the White House later on this year.”

Trump, a 1969 graduate of the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School of Business, is an American businessman – serving as chairman and president of The Trump Organization – and well-known television personality, being the former host of NBC’s popular reality television game show “The Apprentice.”

In addition to Trump, the College hopes to invite other former Presidential candidates to campus to speak to both the campus and Spartanburg communities.

Disclaimer: This is a satirical article of pure fiction for our April edition, The Old Black & Blue