By: Rita Skeeter, Contributing Writer
Quaffles, bludgers, broomsticks and the ever-elusive golden snitch – what else does a rookie, up-and-coming Quidditch team need to take the field?
To join the Intercollegiate Quidditch Association (IQA), each team needs to be sponsored by a college or university. As the only official, competitive Quidditch league, the IQA’s requirements demand college support; thus, three Wofford students set out to become Wofford’s next official sports team.
Jerry Dotter and Don Wesley, ’18, are self-proclaimed “Quidditch stars” looking to take their skills to the collegiate level.
“Quidditch at the college level is a sport unlike any other,” Dotter says. “The speed, the stunts – it’s unreal. I’ve been dreaming of playing for so long, and now we finally have the chance to not only play but compete. I’m psyched that Wofford is taking the first steps to build a team.”
Dotter and Wesley will be chasers on the new team. Joining the pair is Griffin Door, ’19, seeker.
“What am I looking on the field? A glimpse of gold, that little trail of refracting light – and I know that I have to chase it,” Door says.
Door boasts an 8-4 catch record from his previous year, and he hopes to bring his “magic fingers” to the new Wofford team.
“You can’t escape these hands, fam,” Door says.
“Door will be a great addition to the team,” says Wesley. “Jerry and I have known each other for a while now, and I know he’s a great chaser and he’d say the same about me, but we can’t have a team with just the two of us, and Door is going to add some great new blood to the mix.”
The team has yet to be named, though the top choices are: Burwell’s Waffles Quaffles, the Terrier Attack and Snitches Get B—–s. Once the team is official, they’ll be decked in Wofford’s signature Old Gold and Black.
Until then, the trio practices in the intramural fields after classes. Without a full team, they spend most of their time repeating drills. And how does a Quidditch team train?
“First, you’ve got the basics, like running with a broom between your legs. You’d think it’d be easy, but it’s not, especially if you’re trying not to chafe,” Dotter says. “Then you’ve got throwing drills, which are pretty self-explanatory. We toss the quaffle around. Then dodging drills, which is like dodgeball for the bludgers. That’s important.”
“Of course we do the same things as every athletic team,” Wesley adds. “Pushups, things like that.”
For the trio, one of the hardest parts about preparing to enter the IQA is doing so without a coach.
“Coaches give targeted expertise,” Dotter says. “We’re flailing a little now.”
No faculty members have come forward, and the College hasn’t yet recruited a coach. According to Johnson Richard, director of athletic life, shortages and lack of funding are to blame.
“It took us years to find a women’s lacrosse coach. We don’t even have a swim team. How am I supposed to find a…what is it…Quidilch coach?”
Another challenge is procuring equipment. Wesley says the team has been struggling to gather enough brooms, as they wear out quickly. According to Dotter, the physics department has volunteered to tinker with the brooms’ levitation abilities, using magnetic fields.
“I’m eager to advance the science behind broomsticks,” says Dr. Murphy Law, physics professor. “It’s a new science. There isn’t much research. But this new Quidditch team is creating an immediate need and opportunity for us. I truly believe this is the best use of students’ tuition money.”
Aside from broomstick technology, the trio needs stronger, more durable protective equipment.
“A bludger nearly took my head off,” Wesley says. “I didn’t have a real helmet. It was a good throw by Don though, and he’s not even a beater. Imagine if I were playing in a tournament. That would give you a new headline.”
Wesley claims the team would prefer the IQA’s armor of choice, Win-GUARD-ium Leviosa.
To do so, the team pushed for priority funding with Campus Union, though the Athletic Department funds all sports on campus. Dotter called the team “a temporary club” that’ll soon be a real team and added “money can come from anywhere in the beginning because we’ll bring in the gold soon enough.”
Perhaps the biggest hurdle – or rather, bludger – to the team’s creation is the sport’s deep-rooted association with witchcraft.
“Quidditch certainly comes from a place of dark magic,” says Christian Cross, religion professor. “There’s no denying that origin. Now, the question is, can the College support this team without compromising its Methodist roots?”
According to Dotter, the College can and should, but the team needs even more support to make it in the IQA.
“The College offered to start us out as an intramural team, but that’s not what we want. We want to take on the Southeast. I say, just think of it as another way to beat Furman.”
“I understand that it’s a difficult process,” he adds. “I think the College is doing what it can. But in the meantime, we need more support. We need students – with or without experience –who want to get their hands dirty and start practicing. We want to be ready to play as soon as we’re official.”
Remaining positions that need to be filled are: one chaser, two beaters and one keeper. Quidditch is a co-ed contact sport, and all are welcome to try out for the team. Tryouts will be held on April 15 in the intramural fields.
“We’re going for the gold,” Door says. “We’re going to soar.”
Disclaimer: This is a satirical article of pure fiction for our April edition, The Old Black & Blue
