By: Hallie O. Wein
This Halloween, all Wofford students are invited to spend their evening trick or treating around campus. However, this time around, there will be a special twist – while some locations will offer traditional treats like chocolate and lollipops, there will be designated VIP locations with luxurious goodies.
Three of the VIP locations have been confirmed. At this President’s house, the Samcats will be offering vouchers that will exempt students from the upcoming tuition increase for the 2017-2018 academic year. Dean Smaller will be gifting golf carts, and the first 20 students will receive the option to specially customize their cart. The third and final known location is Mike Young’s office in the new Jerry Richardson Indoor Stadium, where the men’s basketball team will be handing out box seat tickets to the much-coveted USC-Wofford game.
When asked about why the school is offering these special treats for Halloween, Dean Smaller says, “Over the years, we’ve realized that hyping up the students on a bunch of candy can only go so far. It used to help energize them for their studies, but recently the massive sugar rush has only contributed to campus-wide chaos.”
Smaller’s mention of chaos references back to the infamous Shagging n’ Sugar of 2016. College administration brought in over 500 pounds of candy, a chocolate fountain, and baking stations for a shagging and cooking joint event. However, the event quickly devolved when students broke out the sacks of sugar and began “pillow fighting” with them. Soon after, there were mobs of students running around campus, breaking windows and defacing school property.
Sweetie Cheeks attended the event and reveals new knowledge. “Yeah, everyone thinks the issue was too much sugar was consumed. I’ve heard that some brothers from Delta Iota Kappa accidentally mixed up some of their drug stash with the sugar, which is what riled everyone up.”
When reached out to, DIK members declined to comment.
Regardless, Wofford’s trick or treating event is sure to hold something special for all, whether you’re looking for candy or for more lucrative prizes.
Besides, the three confirmed VIP locations, it is thought there are at least five more spots for special treats. Head football coach Asper N. Bayers has been overheard discussing a “treasure chest” containing 30 distinct prizes, one for each year he has been coaching at the school.
Good luck to the potential students who choose to participate in the Halloween festivities. All supplies are limited, so be quick in your tricking and treating!
(This article is part of our Black & Blue edition/section, and is entirely satirical. In no way should it be considered true or taken seriously.)
